Top 5 Professional Athletes – MORONS of 2009

5. Javaras Crittenton, Washington Wizards

Incident: Monday, December 21, 2009

Javaras is now serving one year probation for pleading guilty to possessing a firearm in the Wizard’s locker room. The gun was not loaded. Where were the Bullets? Why they have been missing in Washington since 1996! Javaras is MORON #5!

4. Gilbert Arenas, Washington Wizards

Incident: Monday December 21, 2009

Suspended indefinitely and staring down the barrel of NBA Commissioner David Stern’s gun for keeping firearms in his locker. And I quote, “It happened like Dec. 10. Right after my daughter was born,” Arenas said. “I decided I didn’t want the guns in my house and around the kids anymore, so I took them to my lockbox at Verizon Center…I wouldn’t have brought them(the guns) to D.C. had I known the rules. After my daughter was born, I was just like, I don’t need these anymore.”

Alright Gilbert, don’t lock them up at home, we know you cannot afford a gun cabinet. Take them to work with you so you can lose your job. Hello MORON #4!

3. Delonte West, Cleveland Cavaliers

Incident: Friday, September 17, 2009

Delonte was pulled over for speeding on his motorcycle and had two loaded handguns and a loaded shotgun in a guitar case. He has yet to be sentenced.

Yo, Delonte were you headed over with a little Heavy Metal to play Guitar Hero with your high school buds? Did I just say bud? No, he didn’t have any on him. Can you say MORON #3?

Tie 2. Plaxico Burress, New York Giants

Sentenced: Tuesday, September 22, 2009

In 2008, Plaxico Burress was the hero catching the game winning touchdown from Eli Manning in the Super Bowl to beat the New England Patriots. In 2009, he received a sentence of 2 years in prison for shooting himself in the leg in a New York City Night Club. The gun was not in a holster and slipped down his pants.

Better keep that gun in your holster Plex-i-glass or you know what happens you bad boy!

Bullet in your leg

Bullet in your leg

Lookin’ Like a Fool

With a bullet in your leg

With the gold in your mouth

Hat turned sideways

Bullet in your leg

Lookin’ like a tie for MORON #2!

Tie 2. Dante Stallworth, Cleveland Browns

Incident: Saturday, March 14, 2009

Dante hit and killed a man crossing the street in Downtown Miami, Florida in his Bentley. Stallworth got 30 days in the slammer and paid the family an undisclosed amount of money for their loss. He was driving under the influence of alcohol with a blood alcohol level of .126.

He did get two years of house arrest and should be inviting Delonte West over for a game of “Guitar Zero” on the Wii soon! Hit and tie for MORON #2!

1. Tiger Woods, PGA Tour UnProfessional

Incidents: Too many dates to name

Tiger slept with everyone from who knows when to 2009. He even bagged a Porn star at his bachelor party. At last note, he was being treated for sex addiction at a posh clinic somewhere in the South. The scandal came out after he wrecked his SUV while backing out of his driveway and ended up in the middle of the road while the neighbors called 911. The National Inquirer claims his hired help offered $200K to an affair witness to keep that person hush hush. He also asked one of his special friends to change the message on her voicemail because his wife might call her.

Someone please tell me how the most admired man in all of sports can carry on years of cheating on his wife Elin and nobody says a word to get him busted? Talk about walking on water. I don’t think a joke is even necessary at this point. Maybe all men should bow to the real King of Sports! Hey LeBron you’ve just been dethroned by a golfer! Tiger Woods..King of all MORONS!

Sources: www.huffingtonpost.com, www.cleveland.com, www.nytimes.com, www.nypost.com, www.washingtonpost.com

Kris vs Adam or David vs Goliath?

Rob Sheffield of Rolling Stone magazine says Adam Lambert single-handedly saved American Idol. “He has the burning “say my name, bitch” thing of Chris Daughtry, the cutthroat vanity of a Carrie Underwood, but also that innocent desire to give pleasure à la Kelly Clarkson. He packs a whole Gong Show of Americana into one pair of striped spandex tights.”

Okay Rob and America, do we even need a final show?

Vegas also favors Adam heavily.

Here are 5 great examples that say yes!

1. 1980 Miracle on Ice

The biggest upset of all-time, sports or otherwise! The magnitude of this victory at a political level was and is unreal. A team of amateur and collegiate players from the United States defeated the Soviet Union considered to be the best international hockey team in the world, 4–3.

2. James “Buster” Douglas over Mike Tyson

Mike Tyson was unbeatable. He was on top of the boxing world. Tyson demolished opponents with ease and had the power and strength of Hercules. Tyson lost his “Undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World” title by a KO in round 10 to a 42-to-1 underdog named James “Buster” Douglas on February 11, 1990, in Tokyo.

3. Villanova stuns Georgetown

Villanova Wildcats over Patrick Ewing’s Georgetown Hoyas. Talent-wise, these two basketball teams were at opposite ends of the spectrum. The Wildcats blistered the nets shooting 75% from the field in the game and 90% in the second half. Villanova upset Georgetown in the 1984 NCAA final by a narrow two point margin, 66 to 64.

4. Man O’ War loses only race in 21 starts

And you thought the Kentucky Derby was shocking in 2009 with “Mine That Bird” overcoming 50-to-1 odds to win. The biggest upset in horse racing was 100-to-1 underdog “Upset” beating heavily favored “Man O’ War” in the Sanford Memorial in 1919. Willie Knapp rode “Upset”, the horse whose name has come to mean, “to defeat unexpectedly”.

5. Super Bowl III

Jets Quarterback Joe Namath guaranteed his New York Jets(AFL) a victory over the Baltimore Colts(NFL). The AFL had never won a championship and the victory led to a merger between the two leagues. The NFL had a lack of respect for other league, who had been easily defeated in the prior two Bowls. Namath was named the Super Bowl’s MVP, despite not throwing a touchdown pass in the game or any passes at all in the fourth quarter.

My favorite upset, which I have only seen on NFL films is the last one. In fact, all I knew about Joe Namath was he wore pantyhose. That intrigued me because he had so many women in love with him. Suzy Kolber was the first woman to turn him down!

Q: Rob, are you convinced we need a final now?

A: The 5 “Upsets” above would indicate we do.

We all know Fox is looking forward to the revenue Idol will bring in from advertising dollars.

Q: Can Kris Allen beat Adam Lambert in the showdown?

A: Well, I don’t think he wants to guarantee a victory, though Adam would be the most likely to later wear pantyhose.

Q: I also have heard the debate, “Is it fair that Adam is even a competitor?”

A: Sure, he has enjoyed a semi-successful Broadway career.

I don’t believe he has ever signed a record contract.

Q: Will Danny Gokey’s fans jump on the Kris Allen bandwagon?

A: Twitter has an amazing amount of Adam bashers.

What has Adam Lambert done to the haters besides according to Rob, “single-handedly save” their dying show?

Not going to go there with the gay thing!

Adam haters shouldn’t be too quick to throw stones.

They may, however, want to hand a sling full of them to Kris!

sources: Espn.Go.com, Wikipedia.org

photo source: AP